Lost in Love
I noticed my crying sounds different with this heartbreak.
The last time brought out a primal wail from deep within me, my heart ripped to shreds. I was unsure if I would ever be able to pick them up and put it back together.
This time is quieter, gentler. A consistent stream of tears is flowing down my cheeks, warming and hugging me with comfort and knowledge that this pain will pass.
The last time my life was solely centered around another human being. I was lost in love. In what I thought was love but turned out to be horror, obsession, and a relationship built on lies and abuse.
This time I was not lost, I was found. I felt free to be myself. To live, to learn, to grow alongside another. I loved my life and was happy to add this person to it. I felt really happy, for a while. The relationship wasn’t perfect, and the imperfections caught up with us.
Suddenly, we were lost in a sea of imperfections. We were taking on too much water. I felt confident our lifeboat would keep us afloat, the storm would pass, and we would return to safety. Instead, she thought it was better to separate, her paddling in one direction, and I the other.
Now I’m lost and alone. The sky is dark grey and stormy, but the clouds are breaking and out peaks a ray of sunshine.
I was never really lost.